Wow, it has been too long since I have last posted a blog. Hopefully people have not given up on me. I know my readers are few, but loyal! :)
It seems fitting that it has been "too long" since I have blogged because this blog will show that it has also been too long that I have been chained to an ever-present and ever-so-real addiction. It is an addiction that my own sin has turned into something incredibly negative and destructive (before you freak out and worry about what I am referring to, hang tight....I am not about to join the crew of drug-addicted celebrities). My addiction is none other than Facebook. I know, I know you have probably heard of people who refer to Facebook as an "addiction" that they just can't break. Mine has turned into more than that, I am sorry to say.
For the past year or so, I have struggled with comparing my life to others. It has nagged at me, eaten at me, caused me to be quite a wreck at times (just ask my husband). As my husband and I near our 5th year anniversary (yay!), there have been, should I say, "expectations" that I have built in my mind. I expected by now that we would both be gainfully employed, have a house, have at least one baby, and be living the "dream." Well, I know that God has his own plans, and it has been a deep struggle for me to come to grips with this reality. I have fought it, tried to manipulate it, held on to my plans with everything that I have (I am a major planner and long term thinker....it is just what I have always been). Alas, it has only resulted in anger, resentment, and heartache.
So, what's this have to do with Facebook? I LOVE every single one of my Facebook friends, don't get me wrong. Without it, I am sad to say that I would have no idea what is going on with any of my real-life friends (Hello! Pick up the phone, crazy! They ARE your friends, are they not?!!). However, my own selfish pride has turned Facebook into a jealousy-ridden mud puddle. All I find myself doing is looking at the lastest "Guess what? I'm pregnant!" posts or "Look at our new house!" and getting more angry that I am not in that position. No offense to my sweet friends who get to experience this joy! I am definitely not saying they are wrong for posting these things. I AM! I am the one who sits here thinking, "When is it MY turn??" Totally wrong kind of attitude and I am not excusing it. However, I think that there have got to be ways that I can help myself get over this problem.
I HAVE to start appreciating where I am right now and what God has blessed me with. I have a sweet, Christian husband, two wonderful and supportive sets of parents, siblings, and beautiful neice and nephews. We have been blessed to have a job that supports us both while Chris is in school (who has also experienced incredibly success in his courses). We have two functioning cars, we have our health, we have been able to save some money (only the Lord knows how we were able to manage that......He did it for us!), loyal friends, a great church community, food each week, the ability to pay our bills and stay out of credit troubles. SO, SO much! I have so much, but I have watched this ugly, dark cloud take over when I see what I don't have on Facebook. It is so wrong, I know.
So for Lent, I have decided to FREE myself of Facebook. I have chained myself to it. Any chance I get, I am looking at it, lusting for others' lives, tearing my life apart for not "keeping up" with my friends. It's just not okay anymore and I need to open my eyes to the wonderful blessings that God has given me. Even the struggles have been blessings. I am seeing God use so much dirt in my heart to turn it into good for Him. I hope that this will be another spot on my heart that he can erase and use for blessings.
I am onto another adventure! I have asked Chris to change my password on Facebook to something that I won't guess, so there is no chance of getting on Facebook (yep, it's that serious). It is my own form of accountability, as I have tried to rid myself of it before and caved. So here's to more blogs coming in 2012 (I will have a lot more time now)!
