Heartaches and Miracles

For the past 5 years Chris and I have gone through some major life transitions.  I guess I need to start back at the beginning to give you the full span and depth of things.  It all started when we got married, moved to Pasco, I desperately tried to find a teaching position while Chris began to work for a minimum wage job as a grunt in a physical therapy clinic.  After I got hired in Mabton, I commuted for the next year until I decided that it was time to get my Master's.  This is the point where we decided to move to Prosser to make taking my Master's courses easier in that I had less time to travel and more time to study.  It took about 2 years for me to make it through that program, but I came away with a Master's and my Professional Teaching Certification.  It was a pretty brutal time in our lives as well as marriage.  I battled with the stress and running away from God in order to do things my own way.  Chris battled with the everyday grind of a medial job (that he continued to commute to) and getting little to know pay-off or thanks.

Upon me finishing my Master's, we decided that it was Chris' turn next.  His intention since graduating from college in 2006 was to pursue a physical therapy degree.  He applied and was denied acceptance.  We knew it was a likely possiblity, but rejection always stings.  So we began invesitaging other paths that may suit his personality, talents, and passions.  That is when we crossed paths with nutrition, specifically dietetics.  We discovered the program in August, Chris was accepted in September, we moved to Yakima in October, and by January 2011 he had started his program at Central.  God continuously opened door after door without a single glitch throughout that process.  Chris was excited and enthusiastic about this new decision and began to flourish in the program (we're talking 4.0 GPA most quarters). 

In December, Chris began applying for a year-long internship to 2 schools.  One, a distance program in Iowa (that he could complete locally), and another at Central which is completed throughout the lower and upper valley area.  We, and I do mean "we," worked and worked to get his application looking pristine and recruit dietetic preceptors (they are dietitians that you follow throughout your internship).  That was a painstaking process and took WAY more work than we had bargained for.  Dietetic internships are HIGHLY competitive and only about 50% of applicants are accepted, sometimes less.  We finally submitted it in mid-February and had to wait until April 1st to find out whether he had been accepted.  We prayed, fasted and held onto the fact that we had nothing to hold, but to the fact that God is God and we are not! 

On April 1st we received word that although Chris was a on a priority list submitted by a program that he was not "matched" for an internship.  This meant that it would be another year before he could apply again.  I was completely devasted and spent a good portion of that evening in tears.  It just felt like Chris has been on the receiving end of some heartache that did not quite seem fair.  It felt as if a rug got ripped out and I just kept asking, "why?"  After spending 4 out of 5 of years of marriage with one of us in school (at different times) it just felt like we were on the never-ending cycle of never moving beyond this point of life.

After a long talk with my parents, I knew that there was a reason that God had put us in the position.  We clung to him, we cried out to him, we prayed and prayed and prayed.  I think that my prayer-life developed more than it ever has.  Again, knowing that it was out of our control.  We began to desperately apply to what is called, "second round."  It is what some school do when they do not fill all spots (it is really a way for other schools to make sure they only get the top students with the highest GPAs for their programs).  We filled out applications for three more distance programs.

Last Wednesday, as I gazed out a Starbucks' window, I prayed over and over, "Lord, we need a miracle.  Only a miracle will get Chris in."  Within 10 minutes of that prayer, Chris recieved a phone call from Central's program director who said that there was a possible opening and that they thought of Chris for it.  This was not even an option in our minds, as Central's program was full.  Our God is a God of miracles, let me tell ya!  Chris and I went in for a meeting on Thursday and she said she would let him know by Monday if all the logistics had been worked out to make sure the program could really accept him.  We waited and continued to pray throughout the weekend........and today we found out he finally got in!

I prasie the Lord for this process.  He broke us down in so many ways, that there is no way we would have come to Him in the way that we did without the heartache.  Why do we only come to Him when we struggle?  Why can't we cling to Him while on the mountain top?  I cannot even express with words the work that has occured in my heart.  I pray that he continues to grow me and mold me in a way that glorifies Him and that we use the blessings to bless others.  Praise God!

Spring Break Project

Spring Break has been interesting.  First of all, I am thankful to even have a Spring Break (sorry to those of you who don't), but it hasn't really felt like much of a break due to some unplanned events (more on that later).  However, I did manage to get in one "project."  About a year ago I created our own headboard.  I have wanted a new bedroom set since we got married, but due to budget restraints, have been unable to afford one.  So, I decided to get creative and make my own!  I made the headboard out of cheap plywood (to get this home we actually had to bungee cord it down on top of our Ford Focus and drive 50mph on the freeway!), fabric, batting, 2" foam, and a staple gun.  Upon finishing the headboard, it turned out a little narrow (I undercalculated how much space the foam would take).  So I added two stairway posts from Lowes which I stained and finished myself.  I wish I had a picture of this headboard, but for some reason cannot find it. 

Over the last year, my tastes have changed and I was ready for a different style.  The beauty of creating your own headboard out of the materials I used is that when I get tired of one style of fabric, I simply replace it!  I also saw a picture on Pinterest of Christmas lights being used as an extra decorative touch behind fabric.  After Christmas I bought some net Christmas lights on clearance.  I also bought new fabric to cover the lights and the headboard.

Here is the finished product!

It was fun and such a great change from the solid dark brown fabric I had on there before!  Much lighter and more spring-like!  Hopefully, in the future I can get more into projects that actually require sewing on the new machine. 

The Adventure of Being Free

Wow, it has been too long since I have last posted a blog.  Hopefully people have not given up on me.  I know my readers are few, but loyal! :)

It seems fitting that it has been "too long" since I have blogged because this blog will show that it has also been too long that I have been chained to an ever-present and ever-so-real addiction.  It is an addiction that my own sin has turned into something incredibly negative and destructive (before you freak out and worry about what I am referring to, hang tight....I am not about to join the crew of drug-addicted celebrities).  My addiction is none other than Facebook.  I know, I know you have probably heard of people who refer to Facebook as an "addiction" that they just can't break.  Mine has turned into more than that, I am sorry to say. 

For the past year or so, I have struggled with comparing my life to others.  It has nagged at me, eaten at me, caused me to be quite a wreck at times (just ask my husband).  As my husband and I near our 5th year anniversary (yay!), there have been, should I say, "expectations" that I have built in my mind.  I expected by now that we would both be gainfully employed, have a house, have at least one baby, and be living the "dream."  Well, I know that God has his own plans, and it has been a deep struggle for me to come to grips with this reality.  I have fought it, tried to manipulate it, held on to my plans with everything that I have (I am a major planner and long term thinker....it is just what I have always been).  Alas, it has only resulted in anger, resentment, and heartache. 

So, what's this have to do with Facebook?  I LOVE every single one of my Facebook friends, don't get me wrong.  Without it, I am sad to say that I would have no idea what is going on with any of my real-life friends (Hello!  Pick up the phone, crazy!  They ARE your friends, are they not?!!).  However, my own selfish pride has turned Facebook into a jealousy-ridden mud puddle.  All I find myself doing is looking at the lastest "Guess what? I'm pregnant!" posts or "Look at our new house!" and getting more angry that I am not in that position.  No offense to my sweet friends who get to experience this joy!  I am definitely not saying they are wrong for posting these things.  I AM!  I am the one who sits here thinking, "When is it MY turn??"  Totally wrong kind of attitude and I am not excusing it.  However, I think that there have got to be ways that I can help myself get over this problem.

I HAVE to start appreciating where I am right now and what God has blessed me with.  I have a sweet, Christian husband, two wonderful and supportive sets of parents, siblings, and beautiful neice and nephews.  We have been blessed to have a job that supports us both while Chris is in school (who has also experienced incredibly success in his courses).  We have two functioning cars, we have our health, we have been able to save some money (only the Lord knows how we were able to manage that......He did it for us!), loyal friends, a great church community, food each week, the ability to pay our bills and stay out of credit troubles.  SO, SO much!  I have so much, but I have watched this ugly, dark cloud take over when I see what I don't have on Facebook.  It is so wrong, I know. 

So for Lent, I have decided to FREE myself of Facebook.  I have chained myself to it.  Any chance I get, I am looking at it, lusting for others' lives, tearing my life apart for not "keeping up" with my friends.  It's just not okay anymore and I need to open my eyes to the wonderful blessings that God has given me.  Even the struggles have been blessings.  I am seeing God use so much dirt in my heart to turn it into good for Him.  I hope that this will be another spot on my heart that he can erase and use for blessings.

I am onto another adventure!  I have asked Chris to change my password on Facebook to something that I won't guess, so there is no chance of getting on Facebook (yep, it's that serious).  It is my own form of accountability, as I have tried to rid myself of it before and caved.  So here's to more blogs coming in 2012 (I will have a lot more time now)!